sent by: Kenneth <kenneth.bossman@townpd.gov>
to: ALL PD STAFF
BOLO ADVISEMENT FOR MISSING/RUNAWAY KEY:
Key 69, out of the Dispatch Office Key Box.
Description:
- Color: Distinct forgotten gray/silver. Includes the keys for the Records Room, as well as the radio and 911 closets
- Size: Several keys on the familiar ring; small enough to slip through the cracks of our busy lives
Notable Suspects:
- Dispatch Supervisor Kenneth Bossman (DUN DUN DUN!)
Disp. Bossman reportedly stated the following earlier today: “Perhaps I should plead the 5th, but alas, I am the last one I know to have had the keys.”
Officer GyverDisregard. Mack has been absolved of any wrongdoing after physically handing the keys to Dispatch Supervisor Kenneth Bossman the other day, stating: “Here, hold onto these so I don’t lose them.”
Possible Hiding Spots:
- The dispatch room. Locals are advised to keep an eye out for any suspicious key activity, or keys that seem out of place. Per Disp. Bossman: “I probably left them someplace silly, like in the fridge or balanced precariously on a computer monitor.” Locals agree this does, indeed, sound likely.
- EOPS. Officers are reminded that removing the keys without signing them out is a violation of the Dispatch/Officer Treaty of 2020. Violation of this treaty is grounds for being uninvited to the Annual Dispatchers’ Super Bowl Party.
- The kitchen. Speculation that the key ran away due to “feeling so used” are currently unfounded, but investigators are pursuing all leads.
If Found: Please return Key 69 to the Key Box and let Dispatcher Bossman know “so I can stop pulling out what little hair I have left.”
Reward: A beverage and snack of your choosing from The Cafe, and the good feeling of restoring order to this chaotic world of ours.
Thank you all,
DS Kenneth Bossman
Attachments: Key69BOLO.pdf
